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Saturday, 01/01/2005
Happy Fuckin' New Year!!!
Mood:
 chillin'
Now Playing: 98 Degrees "I Do (Cherish You)
Well, Happy 2005! What a fucking blowout to 2004 too! Soo much has happened in this past month my life has completely changed and all for the better... for the most part. The month started out with me being collared (collar of consideration) by Bittersweet who was also my "Mamma". I was ecstatic and I seriously thought that she was "the one" for me. The Dominant that I would spend the rest of my life serving. I was dead wrong. See, I have this addiction- IRC. It is a chat network where people all across the world can hang out and chat on an unlimited number of servers. My server of choice is bondage.com and the room that I became a regular in was a female for female D/s room. "Mamma" wanted me, while I still live in Denver, to still play with other Dominants to keep my skill up but when this high profile Domme private messaged me without permission and planned a scene with me, she got all kinds of jealous. She emailed this Domme and told her off and pretty much ruined any friendship with this Domme. I got in trouble as well and had to write "Mamma" an apology letter and have a long talk with her and all that stuff. One of the "room regs" I developed a crush on. It took me forever to realize it when it should have been obvious. At the time, I thought that this was a crush like I only wanted to be her girlfriend and keep things vanilla. Yeah right!!! Well, this one night, I was hanging out on IRC after "Mamma" went to bed and a good friend of mine, pix, wandered in and started hinting around at being stoned. I pmed her to tease her all in fun- thats how it started. She pmed me back and showed me the log of a conversation that she was having with the Domme that I was crushing on saying that she was a stoner too. I then asked pix to tell Kai (my crush) to pm me and that I was a toker too. I didn't honestly think that she would pm me, especially since I was collared. My conversation with pix somehow strayed and I started talking about Kai and how much I liked her (cue the epiphany of my crush here). Right when I was about to give up on any thought of Kai pming me, she did. From the first pm of "sup toker ;P" I was gone. We started talking and I started harrassing pix to find out if she had any kind of interest in me. For about 10 minutes, the only response from pix I got was "Its gooooood, It's soooo gooooood!" over and over again. She was driving me nuts! Finally pix got my number and called me and started talking to me about it and how "goooood" it really was and I continued to pm with Kai. Before I knew it, pix was switching lines on her phone to call Kai 3 way and my heart jumped damn near out of my chest. I flipped and sorta played dumb and Kai said "talk to you in a sec :)". I heard her voice and was even more gone. I stayed quiet on the phone for a few minutes until finally pix said "Smokey!! Say something!!" and I did. Over the phone even, I was sooo nervous and I acted sooo stupid, trying to show off for Kai like a 12 year old boy. I really, really, wanted to talk to just Kai though even though I absolutely adore pix. RIght when I was thinking that, Kai pmed me while we were on the phone that she wanted to talk to just me. That melted my heart. After a long conversation, Kai had to go get some food. I remained on the phone with pix even though she was givin me a headache. Kai finally came back and I sorta complained to Kai that I didnt want to be on the phone with pix and that I wanted to talk to just her but I didn't have the guts to say that to pix and she, right then told pixie to get off the phone with me so that she could call me. Kai didn't call me right away, as a matter of fact I didn't think that she was going to call me at all and then... she did. I talked on the phone to her for hours and we talked about everything and nothing, all at the same time. I was captivated by her but I also had to tell "Mamma" about what was going on. Well, we finally hung up the phone saying that we wanted to talk later after we slept. I didnt sleep much at all and I got up only maybe 4 hours later. I sat down at my desk and noticed that "Mamma" was online when she was supposed to be at work... I guess she got called off or something. Being the honest boy that I am, I messaged her immediately and started telling her what had happend and how I felt. She was less than understanding and immediately took my collar. I was devastated, I mean, I thought that I had everything figured out. Right after this happened though Kai signed online and imed me. I told her what happened and convinced her that it wasn't her fault (which it wasn't) and we started talking... We both changed our nicknames on IRC so that people couldnt find us and we hid in her private room all day and all night talking. I had this feeling that I never had before... Feeling all tingly and funny both physically and emotionally. I asked and asked if she knew what it was, and finally I got a reply "Have you never fallen in love before?". That hit me like the fucking tidal wave that has swept over much of the orient. Then, everything just flowed. She requested that we hold off from saying "I Love You" for awhile just to make sure but it was only a few days later when she said it to me. Now, I belong to her, I am her slave, for life. I even have her initial cut into my chest right over my heart on the left side. Everyday I fall more and more in love with her. I even love her fiance/slave Xannon a.k.a. Jasmine a.k.a. Jason. He is an awesome person and never before have I found myself attracted to a man... He does it though... I just have this incredible urge to make him cum like he has never before. Weird though saying as how I am a lesbian and a butch one at that. I am going to be having some big fights coming up here in Denver... Court and going back to the Doctor to see what is wrong with my hands, or my skin rather and normally I would be beyond depressed but those two give me the strength to fight like hell and that is just what I am going to do!!
Posted by euphoricdarkness
at 12:48 PM MST
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